“I even verbally vocalized how hurt and angry and upset that I was at the whole situation. This was not what I signed up for. This was not anything that I knew how to do. How did God, you know, even think that I could do this? I didn’t understand. And he let me just spout off.”

How many times do we find ourselves in situations like this and sometimes all we need is a walk.


Away from our homes.

If but for a moment.


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Ep. 22 - Full Transcription

Kam Ostwald (00:01.73)
Hey you guys, so I hope this podcast finds you well. Welcome to the makerspace. Thank you for taking the time to listen in. This is episode 22 and I am going through the devotionals of the book that I wrote called the Adoption Survival Guide and you can get it on Amazon. It’s a devotional activity journal.

The last podcast that I did kind of goes through a little bit more of what all I included and why, but I’m going through the devotional side of each day. There’s 32 and this is day two and I just kind of wanted to read the devotional and just kind of expound a little bit on why I chose that and hopefully give you a little bit of encouragement.

So hopefully you’re breathing today, getting a couple good cups of coffee maybe. That was always my survival drink since we don’t drink alcohol, which I probably could have in that time. If I was going to start it would have been when we were going through our adoption, but I chose coffee instead. But

I that was pretty much all that I had too. So I will say even food was pretty much non-existent. But anyway so here is day two. This is called Stillness in the Chaos and I chose Exodus 1414. The Lord will fight for you. As adoptive parents you may often find yourselves fighting on behalf of your children.

navigating complex emotions, traumas, and life circumstances. You may even be battling for your own sense of sanity in all of it. This verse reassures you that you are not alone in any battle. God himself is your advocate. He knows the depths of your hearts and the intricacies of your children’s experiences. He is ready to fight for their well-being as well as yours. You need only

Kam Ostwald (02:25.698)
The call to be still does not mean inaction, but rather an attitude of trust and surrender. In the midst of challenges, it can be tempting to rush and strive endlessly just to fight, just to feel like we are accomplishing something or still in control in the chaos. However, God invites you to find stillness in his presence, to rest in the knowledge that he is in control.

It’s an encouragement to pause, breathe, and trust that he is at work. In the depths of our journey, I would go to a walking path near our home. My thoughts would be racing and the adrenaline flowing from my own survival mode. As I walked, I would notice my own breathing, like I had been holding my breath until that moment. While I walked, I would pray about my confusion and hurt at the situation. The father would calm my soul and I would

be able to return knowing that he was fighting with me as well as for me. Whenever you get the opportunities, pray for God to grant the wisdom to know when to act and when to rest in his care. God is your defender. Find stillness in his presence, knowing that he is at work on behalf of your whole family. And the walking path that I refer to in this

devotional. I remember one day in particular it was pretty common every day to wake up and the behaviors would start pretty quickly during the day. The anger, the um lying, like a lot of it, fighting, destruction would start fairly quickly. Um usually we

wouldn’t even get to lunchtime. And this particular day, I remember my husband was home and home from work this day. And I was just done. I was tired of the fighting and the threats. And so I took off for a walk and it was about four blocks away. And I remember

Kam Ostwald (04:52.326)
Once I got to this walking path, I just in my brain, actually I think I even verbally vocalized how hurt and angry and upset that I was at the whole situation. This was not what I signed up for. This was not anything that I knew how to do. How did God, you know, even think that I could do this? I didn’t understand. And he let me just spout off.

and get upset pretty much half of the way until I just, that was it, I was done. And that’s when I noticed that my breathing kind of slowed down and I just walked in silence for a little bit and he calmed me. And it was kind of a situation where he…

He helped me to know that he was there, that he understood, that he wasn’t going anywhere, and it was okay. And so I remember walking back to the house, more in control, and that’s just those situations that you do have to walk away from. If you can get out of the house safely, that’s a great thing to do.

I don’t remember it was cold. I’m there was not many other people in the park. In fact, I don’t think there was anybody else in the park at the time. And which is fine. When you live in the north, it gets cold frequently and it gets very quiet and peaceful. And those are those times that I do enjoy just kind of drinking it in like a sponge, just soaking in that peaceful calm of.

cold winter weather and winter to me is always kind of that resting in between the beautiful colors of autumn and the dirty, rainy, muddy seasons of spring and into the busyness of summer. Winter is just that calm, peaceful and I mean it can be blizzarding and snowing and stuff like that but

Kam Ostwald (07:18.806)
for the most part, you know, the birds are not singing right now. They’re hibernating or they have moved to Texas. But to find those stillness moments when your life is just in chaos, it can help your brain just kind of level out. But it also is a good reminder too, that it’s in those peaceful moments, even if it’s just.

30 seconds, like nobody is yelling right now. I’m gonna take it. I can breathe and then we’re going back in. But those are the moments where God’s just like, I got you, I got you. So I hope that encourages you today, even like I said, if you can find those 30 second moments or if you can get a walk away from your home, take it.

relish the moment and we will talk soon friend don’t forget to breathe